We were born in a world where our family and the people around us had problems dealing with their emotional and personal issues. Like everything else, we learned how to deal and resolve our own issues by watching them closely and by imitating how they did it.
Slowly over time this pattern of behaviour or coping style started a process of encoding or hard wiring itself into our subconscious mind for future use.
Today when dealing with our issues and stressors we automatically and without conscious intention or awareness produce what was modelled and hardwired into us back then. These programs reside in our subconscious mind, where they sit below our threshold of awareness and are activated based on what is happening in our lives. This happens instantaneously without our choices or conscious intent.
Just like a computer in which we have programmed and stored information, the job of the subconscious mind is to feed back to us what it has stored in it, and that is everything we have learned thus far and includes our coping strategies to address our incoming problems and issues. If what we have stored is the possibility of reviewing all positive options based on acquiring a best scenario outcome, then that result will be offered to us. If we have stored hurt, pain and revenge in our behaviours, then that result will be offered to us instead.
How to identify and free ourselves from what is no longer serving us?
We must address how the wounds from our past and our present life with loved ones, family, and friends become exposed and replay themselves in our present day interactions. This feedback loop repeatedly creates our unconscious patterning thus transferring potent adversarial feelings, emotions, needs, expectations, and beliefs onto our current issues and relationships rather than objectively looking at available options to respond and consequently evolve into a higher perspective to resolve them.